Let's Be Honest...

I have been inspired by my sister, Alison of myAvonlea, to write concerning the realities of my heart. The un-sugarcoated, un-exaggerated, unadulterated truth.
I have spent entirely too much of my life, my time, & my walk with the Lord in idleness and denial,  fully ignoring the corruption and becoming unaware of the true darkness of my heart.

A reality check has been long overdue.

My name is Whittney Cassandra Heaven Sheridan & I am an utter fool.

All too often I have held no control over my poisonous tongue
 and I have let it run rampant, setting my whole life aflame and having no concern for who it affected or that I was shaming my Lord.

I have been a total fake.

Conforming to what I observed to be the likes or dislikes of whomever I was surrounded by at the moment.

Compromising what I have been convicted of or believed in to gain the approval of those whose approval I saw as being valuable.

I have harbored hatred in my heart towards those who I believed to be lesser than myself.

Those who I found to be annoying or a nuisance. Such a pompous and prideful woman I have been.
 It is utterly shameful.

In this, I have opened my mouth to say things that bring down others in order to make my self appear better; in doing so, I have shamed both myself, and even worse, my Lord. I am truly the lowest of the low. No self-pity here, just honesty. Please don't feel sorry for me.

I have lived my life constantly comparing myself to others: my physical appearance, my intellegence, my accomplishments, my talents, my spirituality.

(my, my, my, my, my: pride, pride, pride, pride, pride)

I have been consumed in insecurity & lies.

I can't even truly communicate to you how much of my mental capacity has been completely consumed by self-hatred because I am not as thin as so-and-so, or not as accomplished as thus-and-such. And if I wasn't consumed in self-hatred because I didn't quite measure up to the earthly standard I was comparing myself to, I was then consumed in pride because I held the opinion that I was the the better one, believing that I was the one whose talents, intellegence, beauty, and accomplishments were superior. In all truth: I am a simple-minded, average, un-perceptive, wreck apart from the Lord. I truly need His guidance and strength to accomplish anything that is lasting or of value in this life. I am not better than anyone. Pride and self-hatred are two stems of the same branch, and both come from the devil. And the ONLY thing that I ever need to be comparing myself to/measuring myself by is the

Word of God and Jesus Christ.

Meanwhile, the only judgement that I need to be casting upon anyone other than myself is that of Love and Mercy.

 For the very measure with which we judge is the very same measure which we will be judged by. [Matthew 7:1]

I have been a complainer and a grumbler. Wasting my time in complete ungratefulness, when I have so much to be thankful for.

I have done almost anything to get a compliment, to hear a flattery, to have my flesh built up, rather than do anything in my power to the the Lord glorified.

I have been bitter, angry, unforgiving, and selfish.

I have been a slave to the lusts of my heart. Forsaking all, including my Lord to satisfy them.

I have been endlessly vain, conserning myself with outward beauty, rather than the inward beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit that is not easily wrought up.

I waste so much time being lazy, not accomplishing anything and expecting someone else to do it for me.

I have been a user. Using anything and anyone for my personal advantage.

This is who I am, apart from Christ.



I am truly repentant.


I have been truly humbled for the first time in my life. My Lord always condescends from is mighty and glorious throne to show me His love and teach me His ways, and instead of cherishing these teachings, and accepting His love, I have chosen to continue to be a slave to my wretchedness.

No more, I declare, not for a moment more...

In the words of my Lord:

I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me, and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me, you can do nothing. John 15:5

Apart from Jesus Christ, I CAN DO NOTHING.


Humbly,
Whittney